I Don't Wanna, And You Can't Make Me
by sophie1670
Summary: Beth, single mom and D.C. blogger meet her fave sister's fave boyfriend, who knew he'd be a jerk? T for language, maybe other stuff later
1. Chapter 1 Revised

A/N this a revised version b/c apparently posting something almost immediately after you write it gets you comments on your lack punctuation and typos. Also, I could have sworn I put an A/N on it that I had other Austen stories on my laptop until it tried to melt and I wasn't attached enough to them to try to recreate them, if you'd like them, feel free to nag and berate (it's how everyone else gets me to do stuff). And on to the story...

"Jane, I've got this friend." Charlie Bingley, her sister's far-too-long-term boyfriend started hesitantly one afternoon.

"Jane, I'd be concerned by his use of the singular in that instance," Elizabeth Bennet called absently fron her perch in front of the computer.

"Thnk you for your concern for my fragile social standing, Beth, I was so concerned that you'd adopt me into you 'Hermits United' ranks that I met someone over the internet," he scowled as well as a long-lost Weasely can.

"I'm sorry you and your brothers Fred and George can't get along better, I'm sure they love you even if you are a sqib."

"What? Janie--"

Beth hadn't looked up from her computer during the exchange, absorbed in her Freecell game while a Reuters story loaded and tweets from Tehran came in and Lifehouse played. But when her angelic sister Jane pulled her head back by her messy ponytail, she was forced to acknowledge that there were people in her apartment.

"Charlie, I apologize for taking advantage of your illiteracy and ginger haired ness, I also concede a point for the 'Hermits United' reference and would like to take moment for David Tennant," Beth preemted her sister's dissapproving look. Only to be rewarded by 'smug Jane', also recognized as the sort of cutesy mental picture that should be on an "I Can Has Cheezburger" site for perky blondes.

Jane than smiled beatifically at her boyfriend and waved at him to continue.

"So Will Darcy, he's my best friend, and I have known each other since potty training. We were at Eton, and then Oxford and-" weary sigh, "go ahead, Beth."

"Was he present for your recuperation when you got the stick out of your ass? NOO, that was us Bennet girls. Three years since we adopted you, and we're only hearing about him now? He wants money and 'thou shalt not cave'." Beth, no matter how much trouble she gave him, adored Charlie Bingley. Although Charlie would say verbal abuse was how she expressed her affection. She appreciated his insightfulness, particularly how he noticed that she was biting her lips staring at the monitor trying not to comment again. Charlie was golden.

"Is this the Will you said Beth reminded you of?" Jane, the dainty blonde traitor, said, smug again.

Charlie smirked, " I surround myself with wit I can't compare to."

"How dare you end that sentence with a preposition?" Beth faux-fumed, turning from the screen finally. "On a more serious note, you have to do something to escape your childhood, we've met your family."

"Anyway," Charlie turned back to Jane, "he's coming to visit, with Caroline."

"That's wonderful, we have enough space, will he stay here? Stop cackling, Beth! No pranks." Jane beamed at the opportunity to impress Charlie's relations again. "I didn't realize Caroline ever wanted to return to the states?"

"She doesn't, it's an intervention, Darcy warned me."

"Please, Janie, can I do pranks, NOW?"

Beth Bennet cleaned up nice. She knew this, it just wasn't much of an inclination. The dark half to Jane's light, she had kinky dark red hair, black out of the light, and fair skin that freckled in the rare light it recieved. (Ice cream is made with vitamin d fortified milk, otherwise she'd have suffered rickets by now). Jane was fair haired, with a light tan, and the only feature they shared, stormy expressive gray eyes. Charlie liked to say that he could read them both by their eyes. Light and clear, all is well; dark and foggy, dive under a table. Beth's daughter, Lily had the same eyes. A mini version of Beth, Jane joked, only a lot more fond of dressing up.

Avoiding the human race, subsisting on chocolate, ramen, and ice cream (at the moment Hershey's syrup and peanut butter [which had a lovely 'what happens when you put a Reese's in a blender' taste] since Jane wasn't getting groceries without Lily after the last debacle) were the benefits of being a blogger. She didn't neglect everything hygenically, showers were still an everyday thing and all, that would have made her a bad example for Lily. But jean's and white tank tops weren't only the fallback of Dierks Bentley songs. She just kept bohemian hours. like waking at 3 in the after noon to get her daughter from school and not going to slee[ until dropping her off the next morning. Sure, being based in D.C. meant that she had other obligations, like interviews, cable news spots, things she had to bathe and shave her legs for, but if not for that she could do her job for an internet capable cabin-in-the-woods, a day she was perversely looking forward to.

Sharing her townhouse with Lily, Jane and Charlie, and occasionally with her sister Mary, meant she had even fewer obligations around the house. Jane was paralegal with an ungodly expensive firm, 9-to-5 with benefits, no one carried her, but seh was eager to act out any baby cravings on Lily 'so as not to pressure Charlie'. Charlie was brains behind a couple of political action committees, along with family money, he'd moved in short term after a fire in his penthouse apartment (the last time Caroline visited) and never moved out, providing surrogate-Dad-material for Lily, who adored her Uncle Charlie. The only reason they lived together was probably because of Lily and the fact that Beth enjoyed being a shut-in and after living with them for so long, Jane didn't want to leave them.

Beth had purchased the sprawling townhouse with her husband George when they'd first moved to D.C. George had been a lawyer, as well as a racketeer and a scumbag, but that last one was only alleged. Mob lawyer George and Beth had divorced when Lily, nine now, was eighteen months, almost immediately preceding George's prison stint for corruption and racketeering, Beth, with the foresight to keep her own name through their marraige, was recognizable enough without "Wckham" being uttered that when she'd needed a job all she'd really had to do was introduce her self and not cave into social mores through the interview process. It took her twenty years to realize that people liked her better caustic and quick, and she still had trouble remembering that lesson.

Particularly difficult was remembering that lesson around Caroline Bingley. Caustic and quick was in no way violent and cleaver-happy, which in Beth's opinion was the best way to handle Caroline, although if this Darcy could be a distracting influence on Caroline, then more power to him.

Review, plz. Also, am shopping for a beta, if your interested, shoot me a pm.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N Thank you to my wonderful beta, MiGT28!

***Apologies, loyal readers, my lovely home had been invaded by Pelosi's Botox-line buddy, her pretentious accent. and her non-boyfriend. They've deigned to come to the colonies to stage an A&E style intervention (however, having forgotten the camera crews, most time is spent vamping in the mirrors of my home, prompting my delightfully precocious daughter to point out that vampires aren't supposed to have reflections. Yes, I've decided to buy her a pony) for my soon-to-be-brother-in-law.

Regardless of the impending havoc, I am giddy to announce that my dear sister Jane and her boyfriend have finally publicized the engagement I've teased them about since Jane introduced him to me as her boyfriend nine years ago. On my daughter's birthday. In the hospital. The Post had a beautiful announcement with pictures if you're interested, or are bored and mildly depressed. They look almost like Barbie and a Jane Austen version of Ken, But I NEVER said that. *wink*

And back to why you put up with me... ***

Beth paused in her interpretation of a list of the most and least economically stressed counties in the country to help herself to more of her Hershey's and peanut butter concoction. Returning to her editorializing, she was interrupted by the dulcet tones of Caroline Bingley (by dulcet, she meant screeching) saying, "Is this really how you spend your days, Miss Eliza?" Trapped with both Caroline and Darcy, Beth was seeking internet solace. They had arrived Monday afternoon. It was Wednesday and Beth still had yet to hear more than three words in a row from Darcy. (She'd asked after his plans for Tuesday at Monday's dinner only to be, "Hmm"-ed at, before Caroline went on for twenty minutes about catching up with 'dear Charlie.' 'Dear Charlie' had appeared frightened. She'd said, "Slept well?" when she saw him on Tuesday morning only to be grunted at. And when she'd noticed him looking at her walls of bookcases, all filled, she'd asked if he had been interested in anything. He'd deigned to say, "Maybe." Fortunately, he appeared experienced in dealing with nine-year-olds though, without being creepy, Lily would interrupt him on the phone or computer without getting son much as a dirty look and frequently received a grin. It was almost as if he liked kids. (Gasp.) Caroline, as if to balance out Darcy's monosyllabic, would not (possibly could not) shut up.

As it was noon on a Wednesday, Lily was in school, occupied by a solar system project and preparing for the accompanying Smithsonian trip later in the week, Jane was at work, and Charlie appearing on an afternoon cable news broadcast, thereby unable to cart Caroline and Darcy in tow as he had on Tuesday. Beth had tried to encourage Caroline and Darcy to do the touristy things while telling them all the non-touristy restaurants, not that Caroline ate. Unfortunately, Darcy wanted to read a book and Caroline was attached to his hip. Beth paused a moment to enjoy the mental picture. They were in matching outfits.

Beth resumed typing, either not responding because of the spoon in her mouth or because her name was Beth and not Eliza. Caroline continued trying to draw her attention, her zoo-like squealing punctuated by Darcy's frustrated sighs as he tried to keep his focus on James Rollins' Map of Bones (OMG, such a great book). Caving into frustration, Darcy spoke his first sentence to Beth since his arrival (the string of approving grunts he'd provided regarding her paperback library notwithstanding), "Ms. Bennet, will you please explain to Caroline the act of non-celebrity blogging? She's having trouble with the concept." Gesturing to the book, he continued, "Is it always this brain-melting? He's like Dan Brown with less religion and more physics."

She pulled the spoon from her mouth, unwillingly. "My days are frequently like this, when I'm awake this early. Noon isn't always my best hour. But I'm always up to pick Lily up from school. And yes, Darcy, they're all like that. If that's too "brain-melting" I'm sure you'll be equally impressed by the variety in Lily's library."

"Thank you, Bennet," Darcy responded dryly, to Caroline's huff.

"So, when is your daughter going to boarding school? Children always learn their best manners at boarding school, maybe then she'd learn not to refer to me as a Volturi," Caroline spewed.

"Lily's nine, I'm not considering boarding school until she hits puberty. And I deeply apologize for my far-more-literate-than-you daughter making literary allusions at your expense, Caroline. I truly am sorry. I so want us to get along," she reached a hand out to Caroline, "After all, we'll be family soon."

The response to Beth's allegedly heartfelt speech was amazing and unexpected. While Caroline's mouth dropped open and Beth was fairly sure she'd inhaled not only Congress, but ALL the pages of the financial reform bill. Yet, Darcy was the one hacking up a lung.

"Mom, when is Caroline leaving?"

Not soon enough. "In a few days, love. Do you not like her?"

"I love Uncle Charlie, Mom, but Caroline is whacked. I feel sorry for Will," Lily kicked a stone off the sidewalk, as they walked home together Wednesday afternoon.

"My question is, why haven't we met him before if he and Uncle Charlie are so close?" Beth said, guiding Lily into a coffee shop, "Chocolate milk, kiddo?"

"Always," Lily scuffed her red Converse, pointing to a brownie before Beth could ask, "I talked to Will on the phone once when Uncle Charlie was in London on story night. He read me a couple of chapters in 'Beezus and Ramona'. Do you not like him because he looks at you funny?"

"What? Heck of a non-sequitur, kiddo," Beth followed Lily to a tall table. Lily had taken a stand against regular chairs out of the house because she had them in the house. Beth had could not fault the logic. "Seriously, he read to you? I was feeling special because he said a full sentence to me today. And what do you mean he looks at me funny?"

Lily grinned, and Beth internally winced at the inevitable braces. "Like he likes you," Lily's grin changed, "Or you have three heads."

"Smart aleck," Beth ruffled her hair before leaning back as their food arrived, "How would his expression be different if I only had two heads?"

Lily giggled around a mouthful of brownie, and stuttered out, "Completely different-" she paused to swallow, off a dirty look from Beth, "His mouth wouldn't be open quite as much."

"Insightful."

Lily nodded sagely. "I know. So, when's Caroline leaving?"

Green Button!


End file.
